Each morning I take a walk around the campground where I am currently camp hosting. It’s peaceful, and allows me some time with my thoughts. It’s roughly four miles, so I get some exercise and I get the opportunity to meet so many people along the way. As I was walking one morning this week, I passed a family that was camping and had just finished breakfast.
What drew my attention was this family was not enjoying their morning, they were screaming at one another. There were grandparents (trying to ease the situation), parents (the ones arguing), and two small children. In fact, there was a pretty intense argument going on, and the last thing I heard was “leave me the f*** alone. I took in the scene and my heart hurt for all involved. I believe we often forget that we are teaching our children how to treat one another, how to show respect, and what healthy relationships should look like. Instead, these children saw their parents attacking one another, and they will remember that.
Everyone Fights Sometimes
Yes, everyone fights sometimes. And yes, those fights get ugly. I am certainly guilty of not fighting fair, and failing to show respect where I should. I have worked hard to be accountable for those times, and have chosen to do it differently going forward.
Why? And how did I start doing it differently? My career in early childhood gave me a ton of information on children and how their brains form. I learned that every person in their life helps form who they become, but most importantly, I had some of the biggest impact because they look to me. That hit home pretty deep for me. It made me realize that I was key to how my own children learned to communicate and resolve conflicts.
As Keith and I have older children now, it’s just as important to help guide them on how to have healthy communication, and the best ways to resolve conflicts. It’s important to teach our children to have kindness, respect and empathy, even in the ugly times. While we may explicitly teach these values, our actions speak louder than words. Here’s some information on the impact our behavior has on our children, and those around us, and how we can do better for them.
The Power of Modeling Behavior
Children are keen observers, constantly watching and learning from the adults around them. When we model respectful behavior, we are teaching our children the importance of treating others with kindness.
Here are some ways to lead by example:
- Speak Kindly: Use kind and respectful language in your conversations with others. Your kids are not just watching how you speak to them, but also to the cashier, their teacher and others. See our post on Kindness on our Thoughts page.
- Show Empathy: We often focus on our side of things, and how we were wronged in a situation. Remember, it’s not just about us. We need to express empathy and understanding for others’ feelings.
- Practice Patience: I know patience is hard. Especially in a moment of disagreement. But it is important to model patience and understanding, especially in challenging situations.
- Resolve Conflicts Peacefully: Demonstrate peaceful conflict resolution strategies. Look for our upcoming post on Resolving Conflict: A Guide to Healthy Communication.
Creating a Positive Home Environment
A positive home environment can foster positive social behavior. Here are some tips for creating a nurturing space:
- Encourage Kindness: Teach and praise acts of kindness and compassion. Have your children do something nice for their sibling, or take cards to a nursing home. These small actions will teach children to be kind, and learn about the effects small acts of kindness can have on others.
- Teach Empathy: As I said before, we are often only focused on ourselves and children are no different. It’s important for them to learn how it feels to be in another’s shoes. Discuss feelings and perspectives with your children.
- Set Boundaries: Children and adults, for that matter, need to learn to set and respect boundaries. Establish clear boundaries and expectations early on with your children. For younger children, here is a great book about teaching boundaries, and respecting them.
- Practice Forgiveness: Forgiveness is hard. I’ve had some rough things I’ve had to forgive people for, and be forgiven for. But, forgiveness is important to teach children so they can learn that everyone makes mistakes, including them, and we would all want a second chance to do it better. Note: I do understand that not all things forgiven will get a second chance, but forgiveness is key for us to move on even if that’s the case.
- Spend Quality Time: Dedicate time for family activities and bonding. When we spend quality, healthy time with people, we tend to find it easier to be kind to them.
What We Hope For
What we hope for is healthy kids, who know how to communicate well, as well as show kindness and respect for others. If we don’t show them how to do that, then they won’t get the foundational pieces they need to be kind and respectful adults. It’s important to give our children a strong example for who we would hope they are in the future.
