Have you heard of active listening? Do you think you are an active listener? The truth is, studies show that a very small percentage of people engage in active listening. I guess the first question is….do you know what active listening is?
I can think back on discussions that I’ve had with people and I often ask, “did they even hear what I said?”. On the flip side, I often finish a discussion and realize I don’t remember half of what the person just told me. The reality is most of us are terrible listeners. We are so distracted, or busy thinking about how we are going to respond, that we miss much of what a person is trying to communicate. And then enters the phrase, “I don’t feel heard”. Which is probably true….you weren’t.
I don’t think it’s intentional. I think people are busy and thinking about what’s next on their agenda, or they have a lot of technology in their faces. They think they are listening, but they really have not shut off those distractions, and given the other person their undivided attention.
So let’s talk about what active listening is and how it’s beneficial to us all. Active listening is a powerful communication skill that involves fully concentrating on what another person is saying, understanding their perspective, and responding thoughtfully. By mastering this skill, you can improve your relationships, resolve conflicts, and enhance your overall communication abilities.
Why Active Listening Matters
- Stronger Relationships: When you actively listen to others, you show that you care about what they have to say. This can strengthen your relationships with friends, family, and colleagues.
- Improved Problem-Solving: Active listening helps you to fully understand the problem at hand, leading to better solutions.
- Increased Empathy: By paying attention to others’ emotions and perspectives, you can develop greater empathy.
- Reduced Conflict: Active listening can help to prevent misunderstandings and resolve conflicts peacefully.
How to Practice Active Listening
Mindful Listening
- Pay Attention: Give the speaker your undivided attention. Avoid distractions like your phone or other people.
- Maintain Eye Contact: This shows that you are engaged and interested in what the speaker is saying.
- Use Non-Verbal Cues: Nodding, smiling, and leaning in can signal your engagement and understanding.
Effective Questioning
- Clarifying Questions: Ask questions to ensure you understand the speaker’s message.
- Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the speaker to share more details by asking open-ended questions.
- Reflecting Questions: Paraphrase what the speaker has said to show understanding and encourage further discussion.
Empathetic Listening
- Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Try to understand the speaker’s perspective and feelings.
- Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge and validate their emotions, even if you don’t agree with their viewpoint.
- Avoid Judgment: Listen without judgment and with an open mind.
Practice Patience
- Don’t Interrupt: Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts before responding.
- Avoid Distractions: Minimize distractions to stay focused on the conversation.
- Be Patient: Give the speaker time to express themselves fully.
By practicing these techniques, you can become a more effective listener, and build stronger relationships with others. A good rule of thumb is to what 15-30 seconds after the person has finished speaking, so you can process what was just said, and then respond. Remember, active listening is a skill that takes time and practice to master.
Benefits of Active Listening
- Improved Communication: Active listening helps you to communicate more effectively with others.
- Increased Self-Awareness: By paying attention to others, you can gain a better understanding of yourself.
- Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills: Active listening helps you to identify and solve problems more effectively.
- Stronger Relationships: By showing that you care about others, you can build stronger relationships.
So, now that we know what active listening is, and it’s benefits, how will you start to implement this into your life? For me, I need to be better about assuming I know what a person is going to say, and just listen. That will be my focus going forward. I know my friends, family (even my kiddos) will be grateful.
For other great posts on how we can better ourselves, check out our Thoughts page.
