As we walk through the journey of life, we are told what things will make us happy. Go to college, get married, have kids and spend time with friends. Throw in a vacation or two and these are the things that are supposed to create a full happy life for us. But, are you happy? Years ago, I had all these things and more, but found that internally, I wasn’t truly happy. It wasn’t these things causing my unhappiness, in fact, these things were the best parts of my life.
So, what was the problem? Why wasn’t I feeling a deep sense of happiness? I then realized that I wasn’t truly sure what happiness was supposed to look or feel like. Well, how was I going to figure that out? I decided to do a bit of research on happiness.
What did I find out? Happiness is complex. There is both internal and external happiness. Hmmm….let’s take a quick look.
Internal Happiness vs. External Happiness
Internal happiness” refers to a sense of well-being that originates from within oneself, based on personal values, perspectives, and self-worth, while “external happiness” is derived from external factors like achievements, possessions, or positive experiences in one’s environment; essentially, internal happiness is about finding contentment from within, whereas external happiness relies on external circumstances to feel happy.
Key points to differentiate:
- Source~ Internal happiness stems from one’s own thoughts, feelings, and mindset, while external happiness comes from external stimuli like praise, material possessions, or social interactions.
- Sustainability~ Internal happiness tends to be more enduring and less susceptible to fluctuations based on external events, while external happiness can be fleeting and dependent on the continuation of those external factors.
- Example:
- Internal happiness~ Feeling content with your life choices even when facing challenges, finding joy in simple activities, practicing gratitude.
- External happiness~ Feeling elated after receiving a promotion, experiencing excitement from a new purchase, enjoying a fun social outing.
Important considerations:
- Both are important~ While striving for internal happiness is often seen as the key to lasting contentment, external positive experiences can still contribute to overall well-being.
- Balance is key~ Relying solely on external factors for happiness can lead to dissatisfaction when those factors change, so cultivating both internal and external sources is ideal.
This research definitely gave me a better understanding of why I wasn’t internally happy. At the time, I was relying on external experiences as a key to happiness, while deep down I was feeling a sense of chaos. Therefore, I could not be completely happy without dealing with that internal chaos. But, I still wasn’t sure what that internal happiness looked like. I was still watching others and wondering how I could get the happiness they appeared to have. I needed to understand why, which led me to the unrealistic belief of “one size fits all” happiness.
Unmasking the Myth of “One Size Fits All” Happiness
So, how can we find happiness in our own lives? The first step is to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. We must each take the time to explore our own values and passions. What is it that truly matters to us? What brings us joy?
Once we have a better understanding of ourselves, we can begin to create a life that is aligned with our values. This may involve making some changes to our lifestyle, our relationships, or our careers. But it is important to remember that happiness is not about achieving perfection, but about living a life that is authentic and fulfilling.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our happiness to others. We see someone else’s highlight reel on social media and wonder why our lives don’t measure up. But what we often forget is that happiness is not a destination, it’s a journey. And everyone’s journey is unique.
Discovering Your Own Happiness Fingerprint
So how do you define happiness for yourself? Here are a few questions to get you started:
- What brings you joy? Is it spending time in nature, creating art, connecting with loved ones, or pursuing a passion?
- What makes you feel fulfilled? Which activities or accomplishments leave you with a sense of satisfaction and purpose?
- What does peace feel like to you? Is it a quiet moment of solitude, a deep connection with your inner self, or a sense of harmony in your life?
If you’re anything like I was at the time, you may not have the answers to these questions? I couldn’t even answer these questions when presented to me by my therapist. I no longer knew what would make me happy. The road to internal and external happiness is paved with some hard questions.
Deep Dive Into Your Current Happiness
We hopefully got a broad idea of what happiness for us will look like with the above questions, but let’s take a deeper dive to see what work we may need to do to get there.
1. Am I living authentically?
- Do my actions align with my values and beliefs?
- Am I living a life that feels true to myself?
- Am I expressing my true self honestly and openly?
2. Do I feel fulfilled in my relationships?
- Do I have strong, supportive relationships with loved ones?
- Do I feel connected and valued in my relationships?
- Do I give and receive love freely and authentically?
3. Am I pursuing my passions?
- Do I spend time on activities that I find meaningful and enjoyable?
- Am I making progress towards my personal and professional goals?
- Do I feel a sense of purpose and direction in my life?
4. Do I prioritize self-care?
- Am I getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food?
- Do I take time for relaxation and stress management?
- Do I prioritize my physical and mental well-being?
5. Am I grateful for the good things in my life?
- Do I regularly express gratitude for the people, experiences, and blessings in my life?
- Do I focus on the positive aspects of my life?
6. Am I learning and growing?
- Am I constantly seeking new knowledge and experiences?
- Am I open to new ideas and perspectives?
- Am I challenging myself to grow and evolve as a person?
7. Am I at peace with myself?
- Do I accept myself for who I am, flaws and all?
- Do I practice self-compassion and forgiveness?
- Am I able to let go of negative thoughts and emotions?
These questions are just a starting point. Take time to reflect on them honestly and deeply. There are no right or wrong answers. The goal is to gain a deeper understanding of your own happiness and what truly matters to you. Only then will you find a true sense of overall happiness.
Embracing the Many Faces of Happiness
Happiness comes in many forms. All are important and play a key role in overall internal happiness.
- A Burst of Intense Joy: This is the most common definition of happiness, and it is often associated with positive emotions such as joy, pleasure, and contentment. That feeling of exhilaration when you achieve a goal or experience something extraordinary.
- A Sense of Fulfillment: This definition of happiness is based on the idea that we are living a life that is meaningful and purposeful. It is about having a sense of purpose and direction in our lives.
- Happiness as well-being: This definition of happiness is based on the idea that we are living a healthy and balanced life. It is about taking care of our physical, mental, and emotional health.
- Happiness as connection: This definition of happiness is based on the idea that we are connected to others and to the world around us. It is about having strong relationships with loved ones and feeling a sense of belonging.
- Happiness as growth: This definition of happiness is based on the idea that we are constantly learning and growing. It is about challenging ourselves to be the best that we can be.
- A Quiet Sense of Contentment: The simple pleasure of a warm cup of tea on a rainy day or a meaningful conversation with a friend. My personal favorite!
So let’s get started on our journey to happiness. Reflect on your notes and then off you go!
Honoring Your Unique Happiness Journey
The key is to let go of external expectations and tune into your own inner compass. Pay attention to what truly makes you feel alive and joyful. Embrace the moments, big and small, that bring a smile to your face and warmth to your heart.
Remember: Happiness is not a one-size-fits-all concept. It’s a personal journey of self-discovery and embracing the unique experiences that bring you joy. So, ditch the comparisons, define your own happiness, and create a life that truly lights you up.
Be sure to check out our Health page for additional posts on overall health and wellness.
