My Observations
Several weeks ago, I saw something that made me take a moment and ask myself “Am I kind?”. I was checking out at the grocery store and I watched a mother interact with her young child. The little girl wanted badly to help her mother, but the mother was curt and negative. She spoke harshly, and finally the small child stood back with a very sad face.
Let me say I have many times, as a parent, spouse, friend or a coworker, not been the best. I have spoken harshly, lost my temper, said things I shouldn’t and other things I cannot count. I’m not judging this woman. I don’t know her day or if this child has been on her last nerve throughout the store. What it made me do is have a moment of introspection. The question I asked myself was “Am I Kind?” The question I ask you is “Are you Kind?”
What is Unkind?
What do I mean you ask? Often times we speak unkindly because we don’t like what someone says or does to us. We respond to these things with an instant negative comment that we justify as defending ourselves. Or we feel we must have our say or the last word. We interact negatively because we don’t have time to waste or because we feel someone has done us an injustice of some kind. We have little patience if someone doesn’t do something the way we would, we don’t like their driving, or they are talking too much to the cashier. Who sets the bar for what and how each person should be or how they should do something?
So What is Kind?
the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate
I believe kindness is how we speak or respond to something people or events that happen. It’s how we interact. It’s what we do in the face of life’s ups and downs. Studies show that it takes five positive comments to offset just one negative comment. That means, for the one negative thing you say to someone, you must say five positive things to balance what is said. That’s just to balance, not to uplift.
To encourage or uplift a person, we have to focus on the positive. Positive feedback pushes people to continue the positive they are doing. Negative feedback, though sometimes necessary, can stop many in their tracks. We often times do not realize that we are predominately a negative society. I don’t say this as if we are doomed, it’s just to point out that we need to spend some time refocusing on the positive if we want to make a turn for the better.
How do we make a difference?
The question is “how do we make the change that is necessary”? “How do we create a more positive and kind environment”? Kindness is contagious. When something kind and positive happens to us we feel better and tend to want to offer the same to someone else. But who starts it? You! Kindness starts with each person who chooses to make it their mission to try to make a more positive and kinder society. So, Is that you? I hope so, because if no one starts, then it will never happen. So how do we start, you ask? Let’s begin with some small steps.
Keep a log or journal
I’m not saying you need to sit down and write long entries in your journal. I’m saying keep a log that can help you see the positive things you did or said and how many negatives.
Years ago I did this, and I was shocked at how very little I pointed out the positive things someone was doing. I saw it most in those around me who I genuinely loved and wanted the best for. I was quick to let them know what I thought they needed to do to improve, but not as vocal about what they were doing great at. You see it’s not always what you say but what you fail to say to others. With the log, you can keep yourself accountable to say more kind and positive words than negative to those around you. You’d be amazed at what this small step can do.
Random acts of kindness
I believe that most people would say they genuinely feel better when they do something nice for another person. Serving in some way reminds us how good it feels to help someone. Spending five minutes a day doing something kind for someone can start a forward motion of kindness.
Think about stories you’ve heard about people in line paying for the person behind them. It starts the forward motion and the next thing we know, a line of people have paid for another. Everyone cannot afford to pay for something for someone but we can do many other things. We can offer to help clean for a young mother, organize an overwhelmed student, sit with an elderly neighbor or simply send some kind texts. Kindness is not hard… it’s incredibly simple.
Kindness comes from within
No matter what you say or what you do, nothing will change until you change your heart and what comes out of your mouth on a daily basis. Take a long hard look at yourself. I did! I’m generally a kind person and want the best for others.
I didn’t think I spoke unkindly or did too many negative things to those around me. When I spent time doing the log I was surprised that I did very little to start the positive forward motion of kindness. I decided that I needed to find out why, so I worked on myself. It didn’t take long for me to learn that it wasn’t that I was trying to spread negativity….it was simply that I wasn’t spreading anything positive. That’s where I started and the forward motion began.
As you look at yourself, be sure to be honest with yourself and make the choice to start the process of being kinder. Look hard at where you could do more or what you can do to improve. Don’t make it harder than it has to be. Just begin with the small stuff and it will grow from there. Always be sure that each day the positive that you say and do outweigh the negative. Need a starting point….Take a look at our post about The Value of Common Courtesy in a Busy World.
Once you start, you will be amazed at the impact it makes. Not only will others start to change, but you will change from within. You will find yourself happier and more positive on a daily basis. I truly believe kindness is the secret to our happiness and others. Good luck and enjoy the journey to a more positive and kinder you.
